Author: Amy Alkon

~ADVICE GODDESS~

Stopwatch in the name of love I met a guy a little over seven weeks ago. Days later, we were hanging out constantly, sharing life stories and sleeping together. I began to \\\”fall\\\” but didn\\\’t say anything about love because he didn\\\’t. Finally, on a trip, we had a talk about how we felt. I explained that I wouldn\\\’t have slept with him more than once if I didn\\\’t see a future for us. He said he couldn\\\’t begin to think of \\\”love\\\” for many months and isn\\\’t very verbally demonstrative anyway. He basically wants to see where this goes and thinks I\\\’m kinda nuts for \\\”moving so fast.\\\” Yet, every boyfriend I\\\’ve had said he loved me within a couple weeks of sleeping together. I feel sleazy for sleeping with a man five days a week and never saying more than \\\”Have a nice day\\\” afterward. Am I headed for disaster? —Put Off There\\\’s falling in love and there\\\’s trying to have yourself shot out of a cannon into it. Too bad human emotion doesn\\\’t run on a bus schedule: \\\”Let\\\’s see … two weeks, you love me, seven weeks, you let me measure you for your cage.\\\” Out here in the confines of the real world, loving somebody takes actually knowing them, otherwise, what are you actually loving? Hmmm … perhaps how well they fit into your...

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~ADVICE GODDESS~

  Sowing Her Mild Oats   I’ve always gotten terrible crushes on exciting, ambitious, bold men who never want anything to do with me. I gambled that being with a good, reliable man would cure me of my pointless crushes, and married my best friend. He’s in love with me, and I love him as a friend and figured I’d grow to love him as a husband. Besides, I want kids and I’m short on time. On a recent business trip, I met a man with everything I’m attracted to; for example, big manly shoulders, a confident bearing and wit. My husband’s the opposite, pulling his shoulders forward like he’s trying to hide his head between them. While he’s funny, he’s timid and socially awkward, and only mutters witticisms under his breath. Luckily, the new man doesn’t threaten my marriage, but only because he doesn’t want kids. My husband sensed something was up, and now worries whenever I travel. Could I eventually develop an attraction to my husband? I’d hate to lose my best friend over this. —Crushed By Crushes I love asking couples how they got together, but, in your case, I’ll guess: "I just got super-tired of drunk-dialing business executives (I mean, they all eventually block my number), and at that moment, I happened to glance at my watch, and went, ‘Holy moly, I need sperm!’" Some...

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Marrying the Hatchet

My husband of two months has always treated me very well and is usually thoughtful. But, one week before our wedding, he broke a promise. I hate the whole stripper thing, so he agreed to a coed party at a dueling piano bar. There was a strip club next door, but he promised he wouldn\\\’t go in. All was well until I learned that he and his brother (who\\\’s nothing but trouble) were at the strip club. I went over and went crazy and tossed an ashtray at his head. I was kicked out, they followed, and his brother yelled at me. I wanted to call off the wedding, but we still got married. Since then, I keep bringing this up and he keeps begging for forgiveness, saying he\\\’d never been so drunk, and he didn\\\’t know what he was doing. I just can\\\’t understand how he could hurt me this way. —Still So Angry Inside  If your husband tossed an ashtray at your head, do you think he\\\’d be describing himself as \\\”Still So Angry Inside\\\” or \\\”Still In Court Trying To Get The Charges Reduced\\\”? It doesn\\\’t take much for domestic violence against men to be taken seriously … usually, just a chalk outline where a man\\\’s body used to be. The rest of the time, people tend to shrug it off or even find it cute:...

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You May Now Dis The Bride

I recently married a wonderful man. A few of his friends who could be described as “anti-marriage” attended our wedding, but everything was perfect — until the next day when we opened our gifts. Inside one box, badly wrapped in gold paper, was a little white plastic shovel and a note: “Beth, I know it’s not gold, but you get the idea.” Someone was calling me a gold digger! FYI, my husband makes a modest salary. I make slightly less. When we viewed our wedding video, one of the anti-marriage guys, “Rob,” had the box in several shots. My husband called Rob, who claimed “some girl had (him) hold it while she took a picture.” He couldn’t describe her at all — not even her hair color. My response: telling my husband Rob wasn’t welcome in our house, and that I would never socialize with him. Am I justified? Should my husband still talk to him? Outraged The least “Rob” could’ve done is give you a real gold shovel so you could pawn it, since you married a man who’s unlikely to ever buy you Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but who can probably spring for an afternoon snack at that cheapo mall jewelry store, Claire’s. Some people’s happiness really makes other people hurl. So, the guy’s “anti-marriage.” Frankly, so am I. But, when friends feel differently, I somehow manage to...

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Things That Go Bump In The Nightie

I\’m 25, and I recently married an incredible man. He satisfies me in every way imaginable, and our marriage is everything I\’d hoped for. Yet, I\’m often plagued by illicit dreams about my exes. Sometimes the \”star\” is a man I haven\’t thought about in years (although, thankfully, it\’s sometimes my husband). Is this normal? I wake up feeling like a filthy cheater and like I should confess. —Dirty Dreaming Let\’s say your head takes the night off from naked ex-boyfriends, and you find yourself dreaming about the aliens and their probe. Oh, no … does that mean you aren\’t truly over the guy with the one big purple eye? Or, could it just be a message about your choice of nightcap: that you might try swapping in a glass of warm milk and Goodnight Moon for your regular mug of absinthe and hour of late-night vintage sci-fi? Thanks to Freud, you\’re prone to believe your dreams are repressed desires for your exes when they could just as easily be X-rated mental lint. A growing body of evidence suggests Freud\’s famous book, The Interpretation of Dreams, might be more correctly titled The Misinterpretation of Dreams, or I\’ll Make A Bunch Of Stuff Up Because I\’m Sex Mad, And Get Real Famous, And Make A Fortune. Even now, nobody can say conclusively why we dream or what dreams mean, but...

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UPCOMING COMMUNITY EVENTS

  1. NOAA Channel Islands National Marine Sanctuary – Open Recruitment for Advisory Council Seats

    December 13, 2019 @ 8:00 am - January 31, 2020 @ 11:59 pm
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