America’s latest obsession is fishing, to the point of eccentricity. I blame the British. They will not let President Trump ride with the Queen in her golden coach, so he wants to upstage them.

It all started innocently with Introduction to the Art of Coarse Fishing in 1955. This is the British term for using worms instead of elegantly casting with flies. It was serious, but spawned a series of whimsical imitations.

Michael Green was a journalist with a Chaucerian eye for foibles. He dabbled in rugby and amateur dramatics. He published The Art of Coarse Rugby in 1960. It became popular even with non-players. According to those coarse professors at Wikipedia, “the coarse rugby player is described as differentiated from the rugger player in that he does not enjoy playing, but instead plays for any one of a number of other reasons, such as to get away from his wife, or because he dare not admit he is too old.”

My favorite is The Art of Coarse Acting (or How to Wreck an Amateur Dramatic Society). The cover sets the tone. It shows an actor, dressed as a Roman centurion, who is wondering at the wardrobe malfunction of a slave girl. Having somehow lost her shirt, she is covering her breasts with her hands. Green describes a coarse actor as “one who can remember his lines, but not the order in which they come. One who performs amid lethal props. The Coarse Actor’s aim is to upstage the rest of the cast. His hope is to be dead by Act Two so that he can spend the rest of his time in the bar.” Suitably inspired, I soared to great thespian heights when playing a village drunkard.

Other guides for the enthusiastic amateur followed such as The Art of Coarse Sex, a light-hearted guide to dating the opposite sex for clueless males.

Trump obviously had no difficulty upstaging this pretty tame opposite sex stuff. He bragged about committing adultery. He was caught on camera bragging how he grabbed women coarsely against their wishes. Nor did he limit his upstaging to this one area. 

He soon became an expert in the Art of Coarse Bankruptcy, having filed six times. He legally ripped off billions of dollars from legions of bankers and investors. One especially loves his personal airliner as “proof” of his business acumen. It was legally looted out of some trashy casino’s bankruptcy. 

He then used this aircraft as a theatrical prop in the Art of Coarse Economics. It had “TRUMP” emblazoned on it. It implied that he had made loads of money as a successful businessman, and would make loads of money for the yokels who showed up to his rallies at Rust Belt airports. They had already been bled white by Reaganomics but, in their desperation, swallowed Trump’s lies hook, line and sinker. (Since Hillary ignored the Rust Belt, and had no economics message; her cronies stabbed Bernie, who did.)

This got Trump into the Art of Coarse Politics. The coarse politician is differentiated from the professional in that he hates the job, but plays for any number of other reasons, such as to get away from his wife and because he cannot admit he is a moron. But at least Trump has no problem remembering his lines. He makes them up as he goes along without the slightest regard for truth. And he “performs amid lethal props.”

Welcome to the Art of Coarse Nuclear Warfare!

Take that, Limeys! Hang your stupid coarse fishing and rugby and acting! But one wonders why Trump could not find better ways to upstage the Brits. On a vacation in Britain after the election, everyone asked me, “Why are Americans so stupid?” I had no answer. I do now. Trump inspires Americans to out-do the Brits in eccentricity.

Americans must resort to eccentric fishing trips to get rid of him. He cannot be removed on a simple vote of No Confidence in Parliament, as in Britain. Trump is the subject of a fishing trip by Special Counsel Robert Mueller. He is investigating Trump’s collusion with Russian hackers and their fishing trips. Mueller went on a special fishing trip recently, armed with a grand jury search warrant to raid Paul Manafort’s home at 6 a.m. Getting it required a high level of proof of probable wrongdoing. Manafort is Trump’s crony, could well have the goods on him, and might blab.

All this fishing is getting under Trump’s skin. His tax returns could be next, showing financial connections with the Russians. He could be tried for obstruction of justice, and imprisoned. Let us hope that this happens before the two kids Donny and Kimmy start playing with matches … really, really big matches.