Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
I’ve got a good feeling about your relationship with intimacy in the coming weeks. Judging from the astrological omens, I think you will have a good instinct about how to drum up interesting fun with your most important allies. You’ll just naturally know what to do to make your collaborative efforts synergistic. So by all means cash in on this potential. Don’t just sit back and hope for the best; rather, call on your imagination to provide you with original ideas about how to make it all happen.


TAURUS

(April 20-May 20):
Would you be willing to go to extraordinary lengths to transform aspects of your life that you have felt are hard to transform? Now would be a good time to do that. Luck will flow your way if you work on healing your No. 1 wound.  Unexpected help and inspiration will appear if you administer tough love to any part of you that’s addicted, immature, or unconscious. Barriers will crumple if you brainstorm about new ways to satisfy your frustrated yearnings.


GEMINI

(May 21-June 20):
I bet your normal paranoia levels will decline in the coming weeks. Fears you take for granted won’t make nearly as much sense as they usually seem to. As a result, you’ll be tempted to wriggle free from your defense mechanisms. Useful ideas that your mind has been closed to may suddenly tantalize your curiosity. I won’t be surprised if you start tuning in to catalysts that had previously been invisible to you. But here are my questions: Can you deal with losing the motivational force that fear gives you? Will you be able to get inspired by grace and pleasure rather than anxiety and agitation? I advise you to work hard on raising your trust levels.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
“Sometimes people have nothing to say because they’re too empty,” writes author Yasmin Mogahed, “and sometimes people have nothing to say because they’re too full.” By my reckoning, Cancerian, you will soon be in the latter category. A big silence is settling over you as new amusements and amazements rise up within you. It will be understandable if you feel reluctant to blab about them. They need more time to ripen. You should trust your impulse to remain a secret and a mystery for a while.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
“Insight is not a light bulb that goes off inside our heads,” says author Malcolm Gladwell. “It is a flickering candle that can easily be snuffed out.” Take that as a constructive warning, Leo. On the one hand, I believe you will soon glimpse quite a few new understandings of how the world works and what you could do to make it serve you better. On the other hand, you’ve got to be extra-alert for these new understandings and committed to capturing them the moment they pop up. Articulate them immediately. If you’re alone, talk to yourself about them. Maybe even write them down. Don’t just assume you will be able to remember them perfectly later when it’s more convenient.


VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
After a storm, British wildlife lover Gary Zammit found a baby heron cowering in a broken nest. Its parents were dead. Zammit took the orphan under his wing. He named it Dude, and cared for it as it grew. Eventually he realized that Dude was never going to learn to fly unless he intervened. Filling his pockets full of the food that Dude loved, Zammit launched a series of flying lessons — waving his arms and squawking as he ran along a flat meadow that served as a runway. Dude imitated his human dad, and soon mastered the art of flight. Can you see ways in which this story might have metaphorical resemblances to your own life, Virgo? I think it does. It’s time for your mind to teach your body an instinctual skill or self-care habit that it has never quite gotten right.


LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
For four days twice a year, the East China Sea recedes to create a narrow strip of land between two Korean islands, Jindo and Modo. People celebrate the “Sea-Parting Festival” by strolling back and forth along the temporary path. The phenomenon has been called the “Korean version of Moses’ miracle,” although it’s more reasonably explained by the action of the tides. I foresee some sweet marvel akin to this one occurring in your life very soon, Libra. Be ready to take advantage of a special dispensation.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
The desire for revenge is a favorite theme of the entertainment industry. It’s presented as being glamorous and stirring and even noble. How many action films build their plots around the hero seeking payback against his enemies? Personally, I see revenge as one of the top three worst emotions. In real life, it rarely has redeeming value. People who actively express it often wreak pain and ruin on both others and themselves. Even those who merely stew in it may wound themselves by doing so. I bring this up, Scorpio, because now is an excellent time for you to shed desires for revenge. Dissolve them, get rid of them, talk yourself out of indulging in them. The reward for doing so will be a great liberation.


SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Just for a few days, would you be willing to put your attention on the needs of others more than on your own? The weird thing is, your selfish interests will be best served by being as unselfish and empathetic and compassionate as you can stand to be. I don’t mean that you should allow yourself to be abused or taken advantage of. Your task is to express an abundance of creative generosity as you bestow your unique blessings in ways that make you feel powerful. In the words of theologian Frederick Buechner, you should go “to the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Imagine a scenario like this: The CEOs of five crazily rich U.S. corporations, including a major defense contractor, stage a press conference to announce that in the future they will turn down the massive welfare benefits and tax breaks the federal government has been doling out to them all these years. Now picture this: The Pope issues a statement declaring that since Jesus Christ never had a single bad word to say about homosexuals, the Catholic Church is withdrawing its resistance to gay rights. I am envisioning a comparable reversal in your life, Capricorn — a flip-flop that seems equally improbable. But unlike the two I named, yours will actually unfold in the course of the next eight months. If it hasn’t already started, it will soon.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Matteo Ricci was an Italian Jesuit priest who lived from 1552 to 1610. For his last 28 years, he worked as a missionary in China. Corresponding with his friends and family back home required a lot of patience. News traveled very slowly. Whenever he sent out a letter, he was aware that there’d be no response for seven years. What would you express about your life right now if you knew your dear ones wouldn’t learn of it until 2017? Imagine describing to them in an old-fashioned letter what your plans will be between now and then . . . what you hope to accomplish and how you will transform yourself. Right now is an excellent time to take inventory of your long-term future.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
The cosmos is granting you a poetic license to practice the art of apodyopsis with great relish. You know what apodyopsis is, right? It refers to the act of envisioning people naked — mentally undressing them so as to picture them in their raw state. So, yes, by all means, Pisces, enjoy this creative use of your imagination without apology. It should generate many fine ramifications. For instance, it will prime you to penetrate beneath the surface of things. It will encourage you to see through everyone’s social mask and tune in to what’s really going on in each depths. You need to do that right now.

Homework: What pose would it be a relief for you to drop? How are you faking, and what could you do to stop? Freewillastrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
“If Taylor Swift is going to have six breakups a year,” observed comedian Bill Maher, “she needs to write a new song entitled ‘Maybe It’s Me.’ “ He was referring to Swift’s habit of using her romantic misadventures to stimulate her lyric-writing creativity. With that as your prompt, Aries, I’ll ask you to do some soul-searching about your own intimacy issues. How have you contributed to the problems you’ve had in getting the love and care you want? What unconscious behavior or conditioned responses have undermined your romantic satisfaction, and what could you do to transform them? The next eight weeks will be prime time to revolutionize your approach to relationships.


TAURUS

(April 20-May 20):
Philosopher Alan Watts used to talk about how the whole world is wiggling all the time. Clouds, trees, sky, water, human beings: Everything’s constantly shimmying and jiggling and waggling. One of our problems, Watts said, is that we’re “always trying to straighten things out.” We feel nagging urges to deny or cover up or eliminate the wiggling. “Be orderly,” we command reality. “Be neat and composed and predictable.” But reality never obeys. It’s forever doing what it does best: flickering and fluctuating and flowing. In accordance with astrological omens, Taurus, I encourage you to rebel against any natural tendencies you might have to fight the eternal wiggle. Instead, celebrate it.  Rejoice in it. Align yourself with it.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
Author Elaine Scarry defines “the basic impulse underlying education” as follows: the “willingness to continually revise one’s own location in order to place oneself in the path of beauty.” Consider making this your modus operandi in the coming weeks, Gemini. Always be on the lookout for signs that beauty is near. Do research to find out where beauty might be hiding and where beauty is ripening. Learn all you can about what kinds of conditions attract beauty, and then create those conditions. Finally, hang around people who are often surrounded by beauty. This approach will be an excellent way to further your education.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
“Life is either always a tightrope or a feather bed. Give me the tightrope.” So declared writer Edith Wharton. But she was an Aquarius, and more temperamentally suited to the tightrope. Many of you Cancerians, on the other hand, prefer to emphasize the feather-bed mode. I suspect that in the next nine months, however, you will be willing and even eager to spend more time on the tightrope than is customary for you. To get primed for the excitement, I suggest you revel in some intense feather-bed action in the coming weeks. Charge up your internal batteries with an extra-special deluxe regimen of sweet self-care.
LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
Half of a truth is better than no truth at all, right? Wrong! If you latch on to the partially accurate story, you may stop looking for the rest of the story. And then you’re liable to make a premature decision based on insufficient data. The better alternative is to reject the partially accurate story and be willing to wait around in the dark until the complete revelation comes. That may be uncomfortable for a while. But when the full truth finally straggles in, you will be very glad you didn’t jump to unripe conclusions.


VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
A Chinese entrepreneur named Nin Nan dreamed up a unique way to generate capital: He sold dead mosquitoes online for a dollar apiece, advertising them as useful for scientific research and decoration. Within two days, he received 10,000 orders. Let’s make him your patron saint and role model for the next few weeks, Virgo. May he inspire you to come up with novel ways to stimulate your cash flow. The planetary omens suggest that your originality is more likely than usual to generate concrete rewards.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
“The most important thing is to find out what the most important thing is,” wrote Shunryu Suzuki in his book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. That’s your assignment for the next three weeks. Do whatever it takes to find out beyond any doubt what the most important thing is. Meditate naked an hour a day. Go on long walks in the wildest places you know. Convene intense conversations about yourself with the people who know you best. Create and sign a contract with yourself in which you vow to identify the experience you want more than any other experience on earth. No waffling allowed, Libra. What is the single most important thing?

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Sometime in the next nine months you may feel moved to embark on an adventure that will transform the way you understand reality. Maybe you will choose to make a pilgrimage to a sacred sanctuary or wander further away from your familiar comforts than you ever have before. Right now is an excellent time to brainstorm about the possibilities. If you don’t feel ready to actually begin your quest, at least formulate a master plan for the magic moment when you will be ripe.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
In the indigenous culture of Hawaii, “mana” refers to a spiritual power that may abide in people, objects and natural locations. You can acquire more of it by acting with integrity and excellence, but you might lose some of it if your actions are careless or unfocused. For instance, a healer who does a mediocre job of curing her patients could lose the mana that made her a healer in the first place. I believe that similar principles hold true for non-Hawaiians. All of us have an ever-shifting relationship with the primal life force. What’s the current state of your own personal supply, Sagittarius? It’s time to make sure you’re taking full advantage of the mana you have been blessed with. Your motto: “Use it or lose it.”


CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Have you been getting enough? I doubt it. I think you should sneak a peek into the hiding place where your insatiable cravings are stored. If you’re brave enough, also take a look at your impossible demands and your unruly obsessions and your suppressed miracles. Please note: I’m not suggesting that you immediately unleash them all; I don’t mean you should impulsively instigate an adventure that could possibly quench your ravenous yearnings. But I do believe you will benefit from becoming better acquainted with them. You could develop a more honest relationship, which would ultimately make them more trustworthy.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Don’t tape your thumbs to your hands and stalk around pretending to be a dinosaur. Don’t poke three holes in a large plastic garbage bag and wear it as a tunic while imagining that you are a feudal serf in a post-apocalyptic, sci-fi dystopia. Don’t use a felt-tip marker to draw corporate logos on your face to show everyone what brands of consumer goods you love. To be clear: I would love you to be extravagantly creative. I hope you will use your imagination in novel ways as you have fun playing with experimental scenarios. But please exercise a modicum of discernment as you wander way outside the box. Be at least 20 percent practical.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic,” says the poet Marty McConnell. That’s good advice, Pisces — not just in regards to your intimate relationships, but about all your other alliances, too. If you’re seeking a friend or consultant or business partner or jogging companion or new pet, show a preference for those creatures who look at you like maybe you are magic. You always need to be appreciated for the sweet mystery and catalytic mojo you bring to your partnerships, but you especially need that acknowledgment now.

Homework: What’s the part of yourself that is least evolved and needs most transformation? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
“A good story should make you laugh, and a moment later break your heart,” wrote Chuck Palahniuk in his book Stranger Than Fiction. From what I can tell, Aries, the sequence is the reverse for you. In your story, the disruption has already happened. Next comes the part where you laugh. It may be a sardonic chuckle at first, as you become aware of the illusions you had been under before the jolt exposed them. Eventually I expect you will be giggling and gleeful, eternally grateful for the tricky luck that freed you to pursue a more complete version of your fondest dream.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
Taurus musician David Byrne was asked by an interviewer to compose a seven-word autobiography. In response, he came up with ten words: “unfinished, unprocessed, uncertain, unknown, unadorned, underarms, underpants, unfrozen, unsettled, unfussy.” The coming days would be an excellent time for you to carry out similar assignments. I’d love to see you express the essential truth about yourself in bold and playful ways. I will also be happy if you make it clear that even though you’re a work in progress, you have a succinct understanding of what you need and who you are becoming.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
The French word sillage means “wake,” like the trail created behind a boat as it zips through water. In English, it refers to the fragrance that remains in the air after a person wearing perfume or cologne passes by. For our purposes, we will expand the definition to include any influences and impressions left behind by a powerful presence who has exited the scene. In my astrological opinion, Gemini, sillage is a key theme for you to monitor in the coming days. Be alert for it. Study it. It will be a source of information that helps you make good decisions.


CANCER

(June 21-July 22):
“Cataglottism” is a rarely used English word that has the same meaning as French kissing — engaging in liberal use of the tongue as you make out. But I don’t recommend that you incorporate such an inelegant, guttural term into your vocabulary. Imagine yourself thinking, while in the midst of French kissing, that what you’re doing is “cataglottism.” Your pleasure would probably be diminished. This truth applies in a broader sense, too. The language you use to frame your experience has a dramatic impact on how it all unfolds. The coming week will be an excellent time to experiment with this principle. See if you can increase your levels of joy and grace by describing what’s happening to you with beautiful and positive words.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
This is Correct Your First Impressions Week. It’s a perfect time for you to reevaluate any of your beliefs that are based on mistaken facts or superficial perceptions. Are you open to the possibility that you might have jumped to unwarranted conclusions? Are you willing to question certainties that hardened in you after just a brief exposure to complicated processes? During Correct Your First Impressions Week, humble examination of your fixed prejudices is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. P.S. This is a good time to reconnect with a person you have unjustly judged as unworthy of you.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
This is a good time to free yourself from a curse that an immature soul placed on you once upon a time. I’m not talking about a literal spell cast by a master of the dark arts. Rather, I’m referring to an abusive accusation that was heaped on you, perhaps inadvertently, by a careless person whose own pain caused stupidity. As I evaluate the astrological omens, I conclude that you now have the power to dissolve this curse all by yourself. You don’t need a wizard or a witch to handle it for you. Follow your intuition for clues on how to proceed. Here’s a suggestion to stimulate your imagination: Visualize the curse as a dark purple rose. See yourself hurling it into a vat of molten gold.


LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
The current chapter of your life story may not be quite as epic as I think it is, so my advice may sound melodramatic. Still, what I’m going to tell you is something we all need to hear from time to time. And I’m pretty sure this is one of those moments for you. It comes from writer Charles Bukowski: “Nobody can save you but yourself. You will be put again and again into nearly impossible situations. They will attempt again and again through subterfuge, guise, and force to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly inside. But don’t, don’t, don’t. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it. Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving.”

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
The cosmos hereby grants you poetic license to be brazen in your craving for the best and brightest experiences … to be uninhibited in feeding your obsessions and making them work for you … to be shameless as you pursue exactly and only what you really, really want more than anything else. This is a limited-time offer, although it may be extended if you pounce eagerly and take full advantage. For best results, suspend your pursuit of trivial wishes and purge yourself of your bitchy complaints about life.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
At the last minute, Elsa Oliver impulsively canceled her vacation to New York. She had a hunch that something exciting would happen if instead she stayed at her home in England. A few hours later, she got a message inviting her to be a contestant on the UK television show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? In the days and weeks that followed, she won the equivalent of $100,000. I’m not predicting anything quite as dramatic for you, Sagittarius. But I do suspect that good luck is lurking in unexpected places, and to gather it in you may have to trust your intuition, stay alert for late-breaking shifts in fate, and be willing to alter your plans.


CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
“The only thing standing between you and your goal,” writes American author Jordan Belfort, “is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” I don’t entirely agree with that idea. There may be other obstacles over which you have little control. But the bullshit story is often more than half the problem. So that’s the bad news, Capricorn. The good news is that right now is a magic moment in your destiny when you have more power than usual to free yourself of your own personal bullshit story.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Is the truth a clear, bright, shiny treasure, like a big diamond glittering in the sunlight? Does it have an objective existence that’s independent of our feelings about it? Or is the truth a fuzzy, convoluted thing that resembles a stream of smoke snaking through an underground cavern? Does it have a different meaning for every mind that seeks to grasp it? The answer, of course, is: both. Sometimes the truth is a glittering diamond and at other times it’s a stream of smoke. But for you right now, Aquarius, the truth is the latter. You must have a high tolerance for ambiguity as you cultivate your relationship with it. It’s more likely to reveal its secrets if you maintain a flexible and cagey frame of mind.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
It’s a good time to indulge in wide-open, high-flying, anything-goes fantasies about love — IF, that is … IF you also do something practical to help those fantasies come true. So I encourage you to dream about revolutionizing your relationship with romance and intimacy — as long as you also make specific adjustments in your own attitudes and behavior that will make the revolution more likely. Two more tips: 1. Free yourself from dogmatic beliefs you might have about love’s possibilities. 2. Work to increase your capacity for lusty trust and trusty lust.

Homework: What’s the part of yourself that is least evolved and needs most transformation? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
“No regrets? Really?” asks author Richard Power. “I have regrets. They are sacred to me. They inform my character. They bear witness to my evolution. Glimpses of lost love and treasure are held inside of them, like small beautiful creatures suspended in amber.” I think you can see where this horoscope is going, Aries. I’m going to suggest you do what Powers advises: “Do not avoid your regrets. Embrace them. Listen to their stories. Hold them to your heart when you want to remember the price you paid to become who you truly are.” (Find more by Richard Power here: tinyurl.com/RichardPower.)

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
Urbandictionary.com says that the newly coined word “orgasnom” is what you call the ecstatic feelings you have as you eat especially delectable food. It’s derived, of course, from the word “orgasm.” According to my reading of the astrological omens, you are in an excellent position to have a number of orgasmic-like breakthroughs in the coming week. Orgasnoms are certainly among them, but also orgasaurals, orgasights and orgasversations — in other words, deep thrills resulting from blissful sounds, rapturous visions, and exciting conversations. I won’t be surprised if you also experience several other kinds of beautiful delirium.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
If you were about to run in a long-distance race, you wouldn’t eat a dozen doughnuts. Right? If you were planning to leave your native land and spend a year living in Ethiopia, you wouldn’t immerse yourself in learning how to speak Chinese in the month before you departed. Right? In that spirit, I hope you’ll be smart about the preparations you make in the coming weeks. This will be a time to prime yourself for the adventures in self-expression that will bloom in late September and the month of October. What is it you want to create at that time? What would you like to show the world about yourself?

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
The Constitution of the United States is the supreme law of the land. It’s the foundation of the most politically powerful nation on the planet. And yet when it originally went into effect in 1789, it was only 4,543 words long — about three times the length of this horoscope column. The Bill of Rights, enacted in 1791, added a mere 462 words. By contrast, India’s Constitution is 117,000 words, more than 20 times longer. If you create a new master plan for yourself in the coming months, Cancerian — as I hope you will — a compact version like America’s will be exactly right. You need diamond-like lucidity, not sprawling guesswork.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
There are two scientific terms for tickling. “Knismesis” refers to a soft, feathery touch that may be mildly pleasurable. It can be used to display adoring tenderness. The heavier, deeper kind of tickling is called “gargalesis.” If playfully applied to sensitive parts of the anatomy, it can provoke fun and laughter. Given the current planetary alignments, Leo, I conclude that both of these will be rich metaphors for you in the coming days. I suggest that you be extra-alert for opportunities to symbolically tickle and be tickled. (P.S. Here’s a useful allegory: If you do the knismesis thing beneath the snout of a great white shark, you can hypnotize it.)

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
In his “Song of the Open Road,” Walt Whitman wrote some lyrics that I hope will provide you with just the right spark. Even if you’re not embarking on a literal journey along a big wide highway, my guess is that you are at least going to do the metaphorical equivalent. “Henceforth I ask not good fortune — I myself am good fortune,” said Uncle Walt. “Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing. Strong and content, I travel the open road.”

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Mystical poet St. John of the Cross (1542-1591) was one of Spain’s greatest writers. But not all of his work came easily. When he was 35, a rival religious group imprisoned him for his mildly heretical ideas. He spent the next nine months in a 10-foot-by-6-foot jail cell, where he was starved, beaten and tortured. It was there that he composed his most renowned poem, “Spiritual Canticle.” Does that provide you with any inspiration, Libra? I’ll make a wild guess and speculate that maybe you’re in a tough situation yourself right now. It’s not even 1 percent as tough as St. John’s, though. If he could squeeze some brilliance out of his predicament, you can, too.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
The American naturalist John Burroughs (1837-1921) traveled widely and wrote 23 books. “I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,” he testified, “all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” Let’s make that longing for abundance serve as your rallying cry during the next two weeks, Scorpio. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you have a cosmic mandate to push to the limits — and sometimes beyond — as you satisfy your quest to be, see and do everything you love to be, see and do.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Punk icon Henry Rollins did an interview with Marilyn Manson, rock and roll’s master of the grotesque. It’s on YouTube. The comments section beneath the video is rife with spite and bile directed toward Manson, driving one fan to defend her hero. “I love Marilyn Manson so much that I could puke rainbows,” she testified. I think you will need to tap into that kind of love in the coming days, Sagittarius: fierce, intense and devotional, and yet also playful, funny and exhilarating. You don’t necessarily have to puke rainbows, however. Maybe you could merely spit them.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
If you want to know a secret, I talk less crazy to you Capricorns than I do to the other signs. I tone down my wild-eyed, goddess-drunk shape-shifting a bit. I rarely exhort you to don an animal costume and dance with the fairy folk in the woods, and I think the last time I suggested that you fall in love with an alien, angel or deity was … never. So what’s my problem? Don’t you feel taboo urges and illicit impulses now and then? Isn’t it true that, like everyone else, you periodically need to slip away from your habitual grooves and tamper with the conventional wisdom? Of course you do. Which is why I hereby repeal my excessive caution. Get out there, Capricorn, and be as uninhibited as you dare.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Germany’s Ostwall Museum displayed a conceptual installation by the artist Martin Kippenberger. Valued at $1.1 million, it was called “When It Starts Dripping From the Ceiling.” Part of it was composed of a rubber tub that was painted to appear as if it had once held dirty rainwater. One night while the museum was closed, a new janitor came in to tidy up the premises. While performing her tasks, she scrubbed the rubber tub until it was “clean,” thereby damaging the art. Let this be a cautionary tale, Aquarius. It’s important for you to appreciate and learn from the messy stuff in your life — even admire its artistry — and not just assume it all needs to be scoured and disinfected.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
In her novel White Oleander, Janet Fitch suggests that beauty is something to be used, “like a hammer or a key.” That’s your assignment, Pisces. Find practical ways to make your beauty work for you. For example, invoke it to help you win friends and influence people. Put it into action to drum up new opportunities and hunt down provocative invitations. And don’t tell me you possess insufficient beauty to accomplish these things. I guarantee you that you have more than enough. To understand why I’m so sure, you may have to shed some ugly definitions of beauty you’ve unconsciously absorbed from our warped culture.

Homework: If you could make money from doing exactly what you love to do, what would it be? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

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  4. Key Frames: A Celebration of Animation & Production Art

    November 8, 2019 @ 10:00 am - January 9, 2020 @ 4:00 pm
  5. ‘Fuenteovejuna,’ or ‘Like Sheep to Water…’

    November 14 @ 8:00 pm - November 24 @ 2:00 pm
  6. Faculty Recital: Micah Wright

    November 15 @ 7:30 pm
  7. Ojai Herbal Symposium: The Wisdom of the Body

    November 16 - November 17
  8. Free Clothing Swap!

    November 16 @ 11:00 am - 3:00 pm
  9. Dave and the Drunken Monkey – an Original Musical Dramedy by Local Playwright

    November 16 @ 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm
  10. Jason Vieaux, Julien Labro & New West Symphony led by Michael Christie

    November 16 @ 7:30 pm - 9:30 pm

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