Free will astrology

Free will astrology

(March 21-April 19)
What’s the opposite of a freak out? Let’s call it a freak in. I suspect you’re about to enter into this state. That means you will have at your disposal all the intensity of a hysterical fit, but you’ll be able to express it artfully as you accomplish acts of amazing grace. Time may even seem to expand for you as you slip into a wildly relaxed perspective that unleashes exuberant insights with practical applications.

(April 20-May 20)
People close to you have been transforming. Be alert for the possibility that they are not who they used to be. Your ability to shape reality creatively in the coming weeks depends on you being able to recognize that some of the old truths about them have been replaced with new ones. Now study this passage from T. S. Eliot’s The Cocktail Party: "We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger."

(May 21-June 20)
Whether or not you consider yourself a storyteller, it’s time to do the best you can at practicing that art. I say this for two reasons. First, the people you encounter will have a special need to hear about your adventures in redemption, the riddles that have fueled your quest, and the mysteries that have pushed you to the edge of your understanding. Second, as you talk about those adventures, riddles, and mysteries, you will give yourself the exact boost you need to open fully to the next great story of your life.

(June 21-July 22)
"Never play cards with a man called Doc," said Nelson Algren in his book ( "A Walk on the Wild Side. "Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own." Whether or not you generally heed cautionary advice like that, I suggest that you adopt a more freewheeling approach in the coming weeks. In fact, given the frontier-prowling, rules-breaking, fun-erupting nature of your current astrological indicators, you may benefit from experimenting with a host of exploits that at any other time might seem iffy or dicey or itchy.

(July 23-Aug. 22)
Many people who understand the workings of the subconscious mind use their knowledge to manipulate us. Their insights into the nature of the deep psyche give them an advantage as they try to sell us their products, ideas, and personalities. Personally, I try to do the opposite, harnessing my understanding of your subconscious mind so as to help you tap into your unique genius, free you from your suffering, and awaken you to the transformative power that comes from expressing your love with smart generosity. It’s prime time for me to inspire your efforts in these tasks. It also happens to be a perfect moment for you to upgrade your relationship with your own subconscious mind.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Read this joke, told by Jeff Thredgold in his book On the One Hand: The Economist’s Joke Book. "An economist returns to visit her old school. She’s interested in the current exam questions and asks her old professor to show her some. To her surprise, they are exactly the same questions that she answered 10 years ago. When she asks the professor about this, he says: ‘The questions are always the same. Only the answers change!’" The professor’s reply should be your guiding meditation in the coming week, Virgo. Your most enduring uncertainties are inviting you to seek new solutions. Questions that have tormented and tantalized you for a long time will respond revealingly to your fresh probes.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Will the coming week feature encounters with drunken judges, passive-aggressive spies, semi-repressed cat people, and codependent enablers? Perhaps. I’m not sure. But I can state more authoritatively that you will have to deal with at least some of those characters in your dreams. And that means there may be aspects of your own psyche that resemble a drunken judge, passive-aggressive spy, semi-repressed cat person, and codependent enabler. If you find that’s the case, I suggest you open up a dialogue with them. See if you can get them to pitch in and lend a hand to your long-term goals instead of undermining you the way they are now.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Actor Cary Grant said he didn’t necessarily advocate making love constantly. "Who can do it all the time?" he asked. "Though I do try." Your assignment in the coming weeks, Scorpio, as revealed by the astrological omens, is to attempt what Grant aspired to: Do the wild thing as much as possible. Get busy before breakfast on the kitchen table and on your mid-morning break in the closet. Duck out of work early so you can get your freak on. Get a hundred more strokes and licks and kisses in before bedtime. Et cetera. And if you don’t have a lover to help you out in this noble cause, then boink the wind, screw the sky, hump your dreams, make love to the universe.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Although dolphins are among the smartest animals of the sea, they get pretty stupid when they’re on dry ground. This is according to a report by the world’s finest news source, The Onion. Researchers found that when bottlenose dolphins were transferred from their water-filled tanks to lab tables, they flunked 11 different tests designed to assess their cognitive skills and reasoning abilities. Let that be a lesson to you, Sagittarius, as you navigate your way through the challenges of the coming week. As much as possible, make sure you’re on your home turf or in your natural habitat when you’re working to solve knotty dilemmas.

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
"Often the truth needs to be packed in great illusion," writes medical intuitive Caroline Myss, "to protect it from the carrier of that truth." Your job in the coming week is to chip off some of the illusion that’s hiding a precious truth you’re shielding yourself from. You’re getting closer to being able to handle the whole truth, but you’re not completely ready yet. That’s why I suggest you preserve a bit of the protective illusion as a buffer. The dramatic revelation will best occur in stages.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
A century ago, human life expectancy was 47, the speed limit on most roads was 10 mph, and the average wage was 22 cents an hour. Only one out of six homes had a bathtub, while one out of ten had a phone. Women washed their hair once a month and often using egg yolks for shampoo. Coca Cola contained cocaine. I predict that between now and 2028, life on earth will change as dramatically as it did in the last 100 years, and no other sign of the zodiac will be better positioned than you Aquarians to thrive on the transformations. What can you do to fully capitalize on your natural advantage? Create a 10-year master plan and a 20-year master plan, envisioning what you’d like to be doing in 2018 and 2028. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to write out these documents.

(Feb. 19-March 20)
In the coming week, you should try to experience, or at least visualize, scenes like the following: an apple pierced by an arrow that’s lying on a bridge near a half-crumpled Valentine card; wind rattling through an old tree in such a way that you hallucinate there being an angel perched in its branches; an accordion floating down a stream trailed by two quacking ducks; a stranger who’s simultaneously crying and laughing in a cafe while writing frenetically on white paper napkins. And why is it important to commune with scenes like these? Because they will energize your soul in ways you can’t rationally understand. They will remind you that deeply meaningful events can be utterly mysterious.

Homework: Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to make nonsense noises for at least two minutes straight every day this week.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I’m 99 percent positive that in the coming week you will not wind up in a hand-to-hand battle on top of a speeding truck with a rogue agent of the secret government. It’s also highly unlikely that the next time you open your closet door you will be forced to engage in magical combat with a well-dressed goblin from the fifth level of hell. On the other hand, Aries, it might actually be wise for you to instigate a fair fight in a safe place with a good person who is basically your ally. You two need to air out some buried tensions in order to get the most out of your future collaborations.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Diplomacy is letting someone else have your way," said Lester Pearson, a Taurus politician from Canada who won the Nobel Peace Prize. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, Taurus, the aptitude he described will be your specialty in the coming weeks. You will have a sixth sense about how to tactfully maneuver adversaries and colleagues alike into arriving at conclusions that will promote your goals. To maximize the likelihood that you’ll be a benevolent manipulator, not a selfish one, try to arrange it so that getting your way will help others get their way as much as possible.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "Where my heart lies," wrote Robert Browning in his prayerful poem, "let my brain lie also." That’s my wish for you to experience in the coming weeks, Gemini. It’s not a wistful, ineffectual wish, either: My astrological analysis indicates that the cosmos will be conspiring to unify more than a few of your fragmented parts. In fact, I predict that your thoughts and feelings will converge in a vigorous collaboration that will ultimately generate excellent karma for you and others.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some religious traditions don’t motivate you through the threat of punishment and don’t make you scared of God. Some corporations don’t rip off their workers, don’t despoil the environment, and don’t have tyrannical bosses. Some politicians don’t lie constantly, haven’t sold out their ideals, and aren’t power-mad narcissists. In light of these facts, Cancerian, please try to keep an open mind about them all in the coming week, as well as about any institution, idea, or person about which you have made dogmatic generalizations. It’s a perfect time to shake up and even purge some of the personal biases that you have enthroned as absolute truths.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): My friend Ronnie, the tattoo artist, told me that people who come in to get their first tattoo are sometimes unprepared for how much it hurts. Most are able to endure the razor-sharp ripping of their flesh for the time it takes, though. There are some sissies who can’t, and they tend to be the biggest, baddest macho dudes. Ronnie says she personally knows 15 rough, tough guys walking around San Francisco with a fragment of a tattoo, having abandoned the process in agony before it was done. Here’s my question for you, Leo: Is there any situation in your life that resembles a half-completed initiation? Have you ever left midway through a rite of passage? Now is a good time to make plans to go back and finish what you started.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Every year, the Annals of Improbable Research gives out Ig Nobel Prizes to researchers whose work "cannot or should not be reproduced." Last year, awards were conferred upon chemists who managed to extract vanilla flavoring from cow manure, scientists who found that impotency drugs help hamsters to recover quickly from jet lag, and linguists who discovered that rats can’t distinguish between someone speaking Dutch backward and someone speaking Japanese backward. I sincerely hope you will do nothing in the coming weeks that would resemble these efforts, Virgo. Please double-check to make sure that your considerable mental talents are engaged in tracking down out information that will be truly useful. Don’t get sidetracked by trivial data, irrelevant details, and wild goose chases.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Leonardo da Vinci created a mural that his contemporaries regarded as an even greater masterpiece than The Last Supper. Painted on a wall in Florence’s Palazzo Vecchio, The Battle of Anghiari later vanished when the building was remodeled. Some experts believe it still exists, however, hidden behind another wall that bears a newer mural. Even as we speak, investigators are using advanced technology to detect the possible presence of Leonardo’s missing tour de force. Let this serve as a metaphor for the work you have ahead of you, Libra. It’s a perfect time to search for lost brilliance that’s stuck behind a barrier or buried treasure that has almost been forgotten. Once you find it, then you can free it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Poet Sylvia Plath said she wasn’t much impressed with the "photographic mind which paradoxically tells the truth, but the worthless truth, about the world." What she really loved was the "synthesizing spirit, that ‘shaping’ force, which prolifically sprouts and makes up its own worlds with more inventiveness than God." That’s the aspect of your psyche I hope will be in full bloom during the coming weeks, Scorpio. It’s a perfect time for you to enter into an unprecedented phase of building. You’re ripe to dream up a host of creations for yourself — to improvise and design and compose.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The average male owns 15 pairs of underwear, while the typical female has 21. (The other three genders average 25, 31, and 13 respectively.) But those figures will almost certainly rise in the coming weeks, as Sagittarians of every variety will be expanding and enhancing their approach to covering their asses. Most of you Centaurs will also be refining and evolving your attitude toward the things that touch you most intimately, as well as deepening and embellishing your relationship with the hidden aspects of the image you present to the public eye.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Philosopher Robert Anton Wilson defined information as data and ideas that are new to you. If it’s something you already know, then it’s propaganda or dogma, not information. Philosopher Terence McKenna had a similar view. He used the terms "information" and "novelty" interchangeably. If you’re not surprised, he said, if your curiosity isn’t piqued, then the messages streaming your way don’t qualify as information. I’d like you to make that your gold standard in the coming weeks, Capricorn. Be voracious for real information, and ruthlessly banish all the fake stuff that’s masquerading as real information. You will know you’re doing it right if you’re never bored.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Astrologically speaking, this would be a perfect time for you to get a brain implant that would allow you to google your own unconscious and surf the Web with your mind alone. Unfortunately, the actual technology to do that isn’t available yet. But variations on this theme could soon impact you. You’re primed to make innovations and play with possibilities that the rest of the world isn’t ready for. My advice is to go ahead and try them anyway. People may be prodded by your pioneer spirit into helping you conjure up the fresh-from-the-future resources you need.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Many people sincerely think that they will be called before God to account for themselves on Judgment Day. If you yourself have held that belief, you can stop worrying about it. The fact is that you were essentially called before God on Judgment Day last week (though it might have happened while you were asleep and dreaming), and everything went great! You passed your test! Your score wasn’t perfect, and there were some demerits in your final evaluation, but the most important thing is that you made it! There will, therefore, be no more Judgment Days for you in the future. God found you worthy, and now you can go on living your life without fear or guilt. Congrats, Pisces! You’re free!

Homework: What’s your favorite excuse? Write it out and tape it to your mirror. Try not to actually say it even once during the coming week.

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