March 21-April 19

I don\’t take drugs or alcohol, but I love to get high. Astrologer Caroline Casey states my belief perfectly when she says that we all need regular doses of vastness. So how do I crack open the doors of perception? Engaging in extreme horseplay is one way. Recently, for instance, three friends and I radically altered our consciousness in the middle of a cold night on the sidewalks of New York City\’s Chelsea district. Oblivious to the taxis roaring by, we drove ourselves cheerfully insane as we did Appalachian square dances, channeled slapstick imitations of dead comedians Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks, and taught each other chaotic meditation techniques we\’d learned from various fake shamans. I urge you to be inspired by this example, Aries. You\’re overdue for a dose of vastness that\’s unleashed by raucous fun.


April 20-May 20

Taurus philosopher Bertrand Russell gave this testimony about what motivated him: \"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and an unbearable pity for the suffering of humanity.\" To be in maximum alignment with cosmic rhythms, Taurus, I suggest that you boil down your desires to a slightly altered version of Russell\’s: a longing to both give and receive love, a hunger for knowledge, and a yearning to alleviate the suffering of your fellow humans.


May 21-June 20

Only about 20 percent of the population is capable of deriving the full benefit of my horoscopes. That\’s because most people don\’t speak the language of metaphor, which is a staple of my writing. Luckily, you\’re among the minority that appreciates the symbolic approach to communication, and so you\’ll be able to use the following oracle: You can\’t possibly defeat or outmaneuver the ogre who\’s monopolizing the treasure you covet. If you\’re smart, you\’ll realize that you should transfer your longing to a different treasure.


June 21-July 22

Physics instructor David Willey can safely walk barefoot across fields of broken glass. He can also dip his fingers into vats of molten lead and lie sandwiched between two beds of nails without incurring injury. There\’s no magic involved, he says. He relies solely on his understanding of science. Metaphorically speaking, these are the kinds of feats you\’ll be able to pull off in the coming week, Cancerian. Like Willey, you shouldn\’t depend on guesswork or luck. Do as he has done, which is research the laws of nature and use them to accomplish seemingly impossible tricks.


July 23-Aug. 22

The federal government of the United States has been dominated by rightwingers for years. But an opposite trend is now sweeping through the other America. Leftist leaders have recently come into power in Bolivia, Brazil, Venezuela, Argentina, and Uruguay. This bears a certain resemblance to an adjustment that will soon be taking place in your life. Wherever you have become too one-sided, the other side will begin exerting a strong counterpoint. If any of your beliefs have become too dogmatic or unilateral, evidence will pour in to shake up your certainty. Don\’t worry: This is a good and healthy thing. You\’ll feel more flexible and free when the revolution comes.


Aug. 23-Sept. 22

The New York Times\’ Deborah Solomon interviewed Peter Watson, author of Ideas: A History of Thought and Invention, from Fire to Freud. \"What is the single worst idea in history?\" she asked him. \"Without question, ethical monotheism,\" he replied. \"The idea of one true god. The idea that our life and ethical conduct on earth determines how we will go in the next world. This has been responsible for most of the wars and bigotry in history.\" Personally, I disagree with his curious assessment. I think history\’s most terrible idea is the theory that some groups of people are smarter and better and deserve more rights than others. The coming week is a good time for you to meditate on these themes, Virgo. Which ideas do you consider bad ones, both those on a global scale and those that have at one time or another infected your belief system? (P.S. It\’s also a perfect moment to fight those bad ideas.)


Sept. 23-Oct. 22

I was meditating on your horoscope as I rode my bike up a trail to the top of a hill. \"Give me a sign,\" I asked the great mysterious intelligence known as nature. \"Bless me with a symbol that will illuminate Libra\’s imminent future.\" My request was soon answered. I came upon a bare oak tree in whose low-hanging branches was nestled a radio-controlled toy airplane. Why was it there? Its flight path had obviously gone astray, but it didn\’t seem damaged. There was no one in sight. Why had its operator abandoned it? Here\’s how I interpreted the omen\’s meaning for you and your life, Libra: You experienced a minor glitch while engaged in some amusing activity, and that caused you to give up on the fun prematurely. It\’s time to go back and solve the problem, then resume your enjoyment.


Oct. 23-Nov. 21

\"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one\’s lost self,\" wrote Irish playwright Brendan Francis Behan. Let these words serve as your guiding light in the coming weeks, Scorpio. They should inspire you to be brave enough to confront the feelings of isolation that fester in your depths. That will in turn motivate you to reconnect with the parts of your psyche you were cut off from during times of trauma and unconsciousness in the past.


Nov. 22-Dec. 21

Professor Robert Crease asked physicists to name the ten most beautiful experiments of all time. The winners were elegant and simple. They required minimal apparatus, few or no assistants, and little computational power. One was Galileo\’s legendary proof of the nature of gravity, in which he dropped two objects of different weights from the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Another was the brainchild of Isaac Newton, who used a prism to decompose sunlight into a spectrum of hues. I invite you to be inspired by the spirit of these beautiful experiments, Sagittarius. Come up with a lucid, ingenious hypothesis that will help you gather useful data about a question that\’s crucial for you to explore.


Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Right before Christmas, the U.S. Senate passed a bill that slashed funding for student loans, child care, and health benefits for the elderly and poor. Vice-President Dick Cheney aborted his trip abroad in order to race home and cast the tie-breaking vote. I suggest that you regard the 51 Scrooges who committed this sin as your anti-role models in the coming days, Capricorn. You can\’t afford to be anything but generous to the deprived and disadvantaged–including the underprivileged parts of your own psyche that you sometimes neglect.


Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Roentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays. What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out any patents in connection with their innovations, believing that they shouldn\’t make any profit on something that rightfully belongs to everyone. They\’re your role models right now, Aquarius. Let them inspire you to give away your brilliance for free. (P.S. I probably shouldn\’t tell you this, but there\’ll be a big reward for you if you do what I suggest.)


Feb. 19-March 20

You\’ve entered the most shadowy and enigmatic phase of your astrological cycle, which is why I think you\’re about to have a lot of interesting fun. You should look forward to your travels in the abyss with exuberant anticipation. Here are some guidelines to help you get the most out of the coming days. (1) Do the things that are hardest to do, but do them gladly and with grace, as if they were a great privilege. (2) Stay in intimate connection with your dark side, but don\’t let that turn into an endorsement of your dark side\’s fantasies. (3) Brainstorm about how to disarm and neutralize your adversaries without fighting them.



(March 21-April 19):

I\’m hoping that in 2006 you will work your ass off with great ingenuity–not just at your job, but in every area of your life. Do you have it in you to break all your previous records for brilliant diligence? Are you willing to summon fierce discipline and crafty willpower not only to pump up your career ambitions but also to refine your approach to intimacy and increase your command over your own emotions? Are you finally ready to master all the excruciating but crucial details you\’ve always avoided? If so, you could generate years\’ worth of blessings.


(April 20-May 20):

Some religious traditions preach the doctrine that desire is a major obstacle to enlightenment. To escape from the predicament of your suffering, they insist, you must overcome all of your yearning. But Tantric scholar Daniel Odier believes this dogma is a delusion. In his book Desire: The Tantric Path to Awakening, he says desire should be at the heart of spiritual practice. Not all longings are equally sacred, of course: Fantasies about winning the lottery or seeing an adversary punished are not on a par with wanting to expand your capacity to bestow blessings and give love. In 2006, Taurus, consider the possibility that Odier is right. Try out the hypothesis that the most spiritual thing you can do is cultivate high-minded yearnings.


(May 21-June 20):

“The Simpsons” TV show has made the leap to the Arab world. Broadcast by satellite from Dubai, it reaches a big audience in the Middle East. A few transformations were necessary, however. In accordance with Islamic law, the man of the house doesn\’t drink beer or eat pork. Instead, he enjoys soda and beef sausages. His name is Omar instead of Homer, and he doesn\’t frequent squalid bars or befriend scruffy derelicts as he does in the American version of the show. On the other hand, son Bart (now called Badr) is still a brat. Omar is as lazy as Homer, and, like the original, works at a nuclear power facility. I mention this, Gemini, because it\’s a good analogue for your possible future. In 2006, you will have the power and opportunity to translate something you\’re good at into a brand new sphere.


(June 21-July 22):

There\’s no delicate way to say this, so please stop reading and come back next week if you\’re offended by graphic references to pleasure. According to my analysis of the long-term astrological omens, you\’re on tap to experience more orgasms in 2006 than you have in any previous year. On average, your climaxes are also likely to be longer and more intense. Other varieties of bliss, rapture, and joy will probably occur at record levels, as well. Think you can handle it?


(July 23-Aug. 22):

Recently someone asked me, \”What do you look for in an ally, Rob?\” Here\’s what I said: \”I favor people who take responsibility for their unripe qualities and don\’t spew their undigested angst on me when they\’re feeling low.\” I think this approach should become a priority for you, Leo. In 2006, you will have striking opportunities to upgrade your relationship to relationships. One of the best ways to do that is to give special preference to connections with emotionally intelligent people who work hard to transmute their own darkness.


(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

In 2006, you will have greatest success if you approach every experience as a student. Your ability to experience happiness will expand if you re-ignite your love of learning and become perpetually ablaze with curiosity. You know that old expression, \”When the student is ready, the teacher will appear\”? I suggest you make yourself ready, because a crucial teacher is or will soon be in your vicinity. Here\’s another key piece of advice, courtesy of J. Bronowski: \”It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.\”


(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

In a few weeks, economist Benjamin Bernanke will begin serving as the chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, becoming the most important person in setting America\’s monetary policy. Though news reports typically describe him as cautious and scholarly, he has promised to prevent deflation by any means necessary–even by printing lots of extra money and throwing it out of helicopters. If that occurs in the coming months, members of your sign will no doubt be in the right places at the right times to gather up disproportionately large shares of those dollars floating down from above. The astrological omens suggest that 2006 will be a time of financial luck for Librans of every nationality. If you\’re ever going to benefit from a windfall, it\’ll be this year.


(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

In my homeland of Northern California, four of the most overused terms are \”juicy,\” \”sacred,\” \”radical,\” and \”wild.\” I haven\’t made a scientific study, but I\’d guess that maybe 30 percent of all workshops and self-help books originating in this part of the world have at least one of those words in their titles. As a connoisseur of language, I naturally try to avoid them myself. Nevertheless, your long-term astrological omens demand that I invoke them to describe your destiny. In fact, I\’m duty-bound to predict that 2006 will be the Year of Juicy Sacred Radical Wildness for you Scorpios. Do your best, please, to express the primal potency of these words.\\


(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

A few weeks ago a group of people in the Netherlands reserved a large hall in hopes of breaking the world record for falling dominoes. Their goal was to set up and then topple 4,321,000 of the rectangular black tiles. While they were working, a sparrow flew in an open window and accidentally knocked over 23,000 pieces. It was only a temporary setback, however. The record-seekers restored the prematurely fallen pieces and ultimately achieved their goal. I predict that this vignette will have a metaphorical similarity to your destiny in 2006. If you assign yourself an epic yet fun goal (which I hope you will), you\’ll probably experience an unforeseen interruption, but will prevail in the end. (P.S. Don\’t do anything like what the Dutch people did, which was shoot the bird.)


(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

Stage magician David Copperfield made an intriguing announcement recently. He told the German magazine *Galore* that in his next show, he will use magic to make a woman pregnant–without touching her. That\’s similar to the kind of mojo you will possess in 2006, Capricorn. It\’s true that your success in the past has usually come from your pragmatic intelligence, organizational ability, and thoroughness. But in the coming months you will also have a talent for conjuring beautiful illusions that ultimately become very real.


(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Every person you know has a different idea about who you are, and none of those notions is exactly the same as the image you have of yourself. in other words, there are hundreds of unauthorized versions of you in addition to the one you believe in. Usually you don\’t have much power to control this, but that could change in 2006. More than at any other previous time, you\’ll have a knack for bringing public opinion into alignment with your own picture of yourself. Your reputation may even come to closely resemble the person you really are.


(Feb. 19-March 20):

I encourage you to climb trees in 2006, Pisces. I also suggest that you regularly look down at the world from mountaintops and skyscrapers and flying dreams. Get above it all, in other words. Give yourself the pleasure of gazing from vistas that inspire you to meditate on the really big picture. You might also consider expanding your consciousness now and then if you do so in a disciplined, careful, and responsible way. (Getting high on a mix of street meth with strangers at 3 a.m. is not what I mean.) Your magical symbol for the year is a golden ladder.








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