No one gets out alive

A comedic take on the region

By VCR Staff 11/10/2011

You know you are in Ventura when you come on vacation and leave on probation.
— author unknown

 

Whether a local or a visitor, there are some things about Ventura County and its cities that few can deny. For this week’s comedy issue, we put out a call for jokes about our beloved region. Here are a few of our favorites.

Camarillo

Sung to the tune of “Carolina on my mind.”
In my mind I’m going to Camarillo. Once you’ve seen the outlet mall, then you pretty much have seen it all / And ain’t it just like this town of mine to go to sleep at nine. Yes, I’m going to Camarillo in my mind. — Jason Love

I live in Camarillo. Not a whole lot to do there. You plug Camarillo into the GPS, it goes, “Why?” — Jason Love

Ojai

You know you are in Ojai when the majority of the people know what namaste means. — Elano Pizzicarola
Oxnard
You know you are in Oxnard when there are as many new vacant buildings as there are old vacant buildings. — anonymous

Thousand Oaks

Growing up in Thousand Oaks, my pen pals offered me a glimpse of adventure with postcards from exotic locales like New York, England and Israel. I would just send back black pieces of paper titled, “Thousand Oaks at Night.” — Eric Schwartz

Ventura

It’s always nice to escape smoggy Los Angeles to Ventura Harbor, draw a deep breath through my nose and think, “Ahh, raw sewage!” — Erik Schwartz

You know you are in Ventura when you’ve passed 18 massage places, 20 tattoo parlors, and 24 thrift store and you’ve only walked two blocks. — Randy Lubas and Crew

Ventura County

Welcome to Ventura County — Where Santa Barbara’s dreams come to die. — Mike Karaba

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