Canadians are now cooler than us

How did I come to this blasphemous conclusion? I could cite universal healthcare. Or their tendency to not proactively invade other countries or begin wars. Or how most of the funny components of Saturday Night Live and Second City come from there. But perhaps the measure of their coolness is their lack of desire to even compete.

If you want to bottom-line this - and what American doesn't like to make a final judgment based on money, I ask you? - our failsafe of superiority has always been the strength of the American dollar versus the Canadian one. After all, they call it a loonie, right? How seriously are you supposed to take that? Well, kids, as of this writing, the U.S. dollar is worth 2 cents less than the loonie. And while it has less to do with them growing their economy than us destroying ours, that is kind of the point. They have remained consistent (and less grabby) while we have been mood-swinging from too much Starbucks and its apparent side-effect of world domination. Canada is the tortoise, and we are pulling out our hare. Or boiling bunnies. Please note that I am not suggesting we lose our American-ness; I am just saying Canadians seem more and more like us without the baggage, and it might be good to lose a flight bag or two.

This election season has come to revolve around one word: change. So who is the candidate that can give us correct change? Regarding the remaining Republicans, I do not heart Huckabee the Holy Homophobe, and Mitt Romney reminds me of the opening scene of David Lynch's Blue Velvet, where the meadow looks so fresh and lovely until the camera pans underground and you see all the worms. And how do you choose among the Dems? Do we like Weepy Hillary better than Steely Hillary? Does Obama seem more JFK-like adjacent to Oprah or away from her? And is John Edwards tag-teaming Hillary to be Barack's new-age LBJ? Or is the real question which of these folks can be the most, well, Canadian?

What, you may ask, started me on this Canadians are Cool campaign? If you must know, the DVD box set of all three seasons of Slings & Arrows is about to be released. Let me explain why I am so wacky over this 18-episode Canadian series. It is smart, it is literate, it is funny, it is beautifully written, directed and acted - and you may not recognize a single face. Though Rachel McAdams (from Season 1) and Sarah Polley (Season 3) have made names for themselves in the states, and the splendid Mark McKinney should be familiar to any Kids in the Hall devotee, the majority of these actors are strangers that talk like us. Imagine walking into an alternate universe where all the actors are charismatic and talented, but you do not recognize any of them from drug rehab or spreads in People or the Enquirer. Names like Paul Gross, Martha Burns and Don McKellar mean nothing to you, but you find yourself delighting in their nuanced and polished performances. The series itself is about a struggling Shakespearean theater company in the outer regions, and each season is built around a different play. You do not have to be a Shakespeare fanatic to enjoy the finer points of the plots and jokes, but it helps if you know a bit. (Actually, if hearing a song called "It's Nice to Take a Walk in the Rain" in the King Lear season seems funny, you are plenty well-versed for the subtleties.)

As much as it may offend our collective Yankee ego, this series is every bit as excellent as anything we have to offer. And then there is that healthcare and not-invading-people thing. And you know you are thinking the same thing now that you thought in 2000: "If that maniac is elected, I am moving to Canada." Well, we didn't do it then, and instead of seriously pondering it now, why don't we instead start (gulp!) emulating our northern neighbors? I don't think they would mind. They seem pretty good-natured, eh?

Scott Patrick Wagner can be contacted at www.musicwithwords.com.